Gran-ada, Gran-ada, Tomata, Tomata, Lets Call the whole thing...off.

Granada, Nicaragua.

Its a little like Granada, Minnesota. It has the exact same name. All the letters are there and all the letters are in the same order. In that way, they are alike.

But you won´t find churches burned by William Walker in Minnesota. Thats because after losing the Civil War, Walker came down here to find more stuff to burn and people to enslave. Everyone has different talents. Burning, sacking and enslaving were just things Wack Willie happened to be good at. He was just following his bliss. Unfortunately his bliss happened to be everyone else´s nightmare. Somebody hung Wee Willie Walker after he did all that sacking and pillaging. I´m sort of glad they did. Pillagers tend to lack manners. And the ones that do have manners tend to have bad ones. Well, often enough anyhow.

Lets move on.

Lots of skeletal horses draw carriages here. They draw quite well, considering their innate dearth of natural artistic ability. I find that horse poo in the country smells natural but here, all over the roads it smells like...whoever could market disposible diapers for horses might make a shilling or two down in these parts. "Giddy up!" would be the brand, and the commercial would show a toddler, then a horse, then a diaper to make it easier for people to make the conceptual leap to associating horses and diapers. Soon, folks won´t know how they ever got along without them, and the horse that doesn´t wear one will seem practically indecent.

Anyway, if digression was a science I would be a digressionologist.

Anyway, well...

Lago Nicaragua is the tenth largest fresh water body in the world, and the only fresh body of water that contains the evolutionarily evolved Spiney Land Shark, that crawls around on a bipod and possesses a natural hatred of man. Woman, its cool with. The lago, or "lake" as it may be termed, also contains many other rare fishes, like the bottlenecked dolphin, famous for its vicious attacks against anything innocent or harmless. Programs are already n place to help local people to decrease the propogation of these aquatic ingrates with the less harmful zebra mussel, aquatic milfoil and kudzu.

Fray Bartolome Of the Houses also did some living down here and its fair to say the friar did more good for this town then Wack Willie. Fray Bartolome, or "Bart" as he is affectionately known, had some hard words for the Spanish Crown when the conquestadores went a bits nuts with the conquestadoring down here, with all the genocide and slavery and murder, and stuff.

In 1535, Bart wrote the following historical words:

Dear Crown,

WHO LET THE FREAKIN´DAWGS OUT?????
DAAAAAAAAM!
Would you mind puttin´the brakes on this puppy before we kill 95% of folks. Ain´t 90% good enough? Sorry Crown, I don´t know what your crown-liness would have us do, but we´re runnin´out of pagans to burn.

Thanks for listening,

Bartolme de las Casas